Taking risks.

This past August I turned 25. Around this time I had a mini crisis in my head. I realized that not only am I no where near where I wanted to be at this age, but that I'm not even sure where I wanted to be even is. I never really had set goals that I wanted to accomplish. I didn't plan to have any certain degree or job, or have started a family, so I couldn't even pinpoint where the feeling of failure was coming from. How could I fail at something I had never told myself to accomplish?

So I sat down and made a list. 30 things to do before I'm 30. Giving myself a reasonable 5 years to at least attempt to accomplish them. Some of them are small things, like learning a language or a hobby; Some of them involve getting into a healthier frame of mind, and keeping myself there; Some of them are vague, while others are specific; and some of them are beyond my foreseeable financial ability, but have made the list just as a reminder of what I'd some day like to accomplish. For a while I forgot about this list, and filed it away in a notebook somewhere, which probably would have been lost for the next few years, if I hadn't stumbled upon it by accident. So I pulled my list out, the list that seems so daunting at times, and read it over again. With that, I realized that the only thing keeping me from achieving most of these things, is myself and the fear of failing.

So along with my list of specific goals, I'm giving myself one giant goal to start achieving now::
Take more risks.
Fear can stop you from doing anything and everything if you let it, and I have. For years I've let fear and anxiety stop me from doing things. I've let my fears keep me stagnant, only growing and changing in ways that I knew were safe, in ways that I couldn't fail, only doing things that allowed me to stay in my comfort zone, on a path that I could see clearly. Over time, my anxiety has worsened, because I've rarely pushed myself past it. I've let it stop me from becoming somebody who takes chances, someone who can willingly make a leap of faith.

So starting now, my plan is to start trying new things. Stepping out of my comfort zone, and allowing myself new experiences, even if they seem small. Saying yes to things that my anxiety would have prevented before. Taking risks and putting trust in my instincts and emotions, without always second guessing them. I want to stop over-analyzing and over-thinking every decision I make and every step I take, and just allow myself to go where life leads me. Because I'll never end up where I want to be, if I'm to afraid to get there.